Anyway, this is something I realized about myself years ago and have worked hard to combat, but for some reason this article made me see it from a different angle. I'd always thought of this paralyzing perfectionism in terms of projects, but it reaches into so many more aspects of my life! This is not just about not waiting until I can afford the perfect first-in-first-out self-rotating shelf system to organize my food storage. It's taking just a 15-minute nap before the babies wake up so I can be a little nicer/more fun through dinner & bedtime. It's still reading one book to Miles even if I don't have time to read the whole stack like he wants. It's enjoying a low-key morning even if I don't get to laze around all day. And really, it's life in general - still trying even though I'm imperfect. But wait, there's more! I can skip the Oreos although I already blew my diet.* I can refrain from yelling at my naughty kids even if I've already been grouchy all day. Any one step in the right direction counts, no matter how many steps you falter the other way. For another great article about this specifically, check out my friend Janelle's blog here.
Woah, this is getting deep. I didn't intend to get into all of that. I intended to show you my kitchen window. Oooh, here's another example - I failed to take a "before" picture, but I'm still posting the "after!" Take that, perfection!
So, my awesome husband sprays our house for bugs every 6 months or so, and it makes SUCH a difference in the amount of unwelcome guests around here. We used to pay someone to do it but Devin found the stuff at Home Depot and we've just saved that money ever since. Yay! I highly recommend spraying for bugs yourself. But back to my window. Devin sprayed for bugs about a month ago. It was a little overdue. And the time before that when he sprayed around my kitchen window (you know, the one I stand in front of for about 6 hours a day), the stuff dripped allllll down the window. It looked terrible. I didn't clean it up right away because I thought it should have a chance to dry and do it's bug-killing magic. This was maybe a year ago. But then I continued to not clean it up. For months. In the winter I started noticing how gross all my windows were and I wanted to have them cleaned professionally. But I wasn't about to pay a bunch of money for clean windows that will only last until the next snowfall. So I waited, and the windows stayed dirty. I finally called someone in the spring. I got a bid. It seemed high. 'I should get another bid, see if someone will do it for less,' I thought. So I waited, and the windows stayed dirty. Especially that one in the kitchen. Then it was time to spray for bugs again, and I certainly wasn't going to wash the kitchen window then. It would just get dirty again! So he sprayed again, a month ago like I said, and it dripped, and I didn't wash it, etc. etc. 'I should just wait until I find the right company to wash the outside of all the windows, and then I'll wash all the insides and it'll be great.' That kitchen window that I look at so many times every single day continued to have sticky streaks all over - streaks that remind me of dead bugs. Until today. When I looked at that window for maybe the 17th time today, I thought about the article from the other day. And I grabbed a rag. I washed the inside and then, wouldn't you know it, I had the time & energy to wash the outside too. So I popped out the screen, took my squeegee out there and just did it. It was kinda fun, so I washed two more windows outside, including the huge one in our living room that regularly gets splattered with bird poop.
But I stopped there. This house has something like 18 windows. I just washed three of them, and only one on the inside. But you know what? I feel this enormous sense of accomplishment right now (not that enormous, I'm not delusional). Actually, it's more of a feeling of satisfaction. And I can't stop looking out my kitchen window. I'm super happy with it and just wish I'd done it sooner. It doesn't even bother me that there are lots of other windows in this house that are not clean right now. I DID something and now I have a better view. That is a step in the right direction, period. I know someone reading this may be shocked that I let such a prominent window go unwashed for a year. That is pretty bad, really. But I have other priorities and cleaning is just not my strong suit. That doesn't mean the dirty-for-a-year window didn't bother me. It totally did, every time I looked at it! But my perfection paralysis took over and I felt that I had to have time or money, or have it "together" to have a clean window. So the good news is that if I want a clean window, I can just clean the dang thing. Even if I don't clean it very well, it'll be an improvement. This looked better even before I washed the outside. And if I want to be healthier, I can exercise. Even if I only do it once, it will do my body some good. The best part is that when you do good, you feel good, and you want to do more good. It's self-perpetuating. I am NOT saying that you will only do good from that point on. That is completely not the case. But just taking action is the thing (dare I say the only thing?) that will lead to taking more action, and more importantly, to satisfaction. Even with perfection nowhere in sight.
Just a note on what I see out the blessed kitchen window: this huge, shamefully unkempt tree/bush? that we've basically ignored for the last six years. It's beautiful when it's in bloom, but it's gotten really out of control. But I won't let it bother me, because we did some yard work on Saturday and took care of some long overgrown bushes and things and that's good enough for this week. We could have just given up on our whole yard and waited until we could hire someone to come in and clean up the whole thing, but no, we'll just work on it a little at a time and eventually we'll get there - or maybe we won't, but we'll keep trying anyway.
I am committing to taking action, to just doing something. One little step. Most things need to be done one step at a time anyway. And the bad things I do won't cancel out the good ones. I won't be perfect, but I will keep making effort.
*When I say "diet," I mean a kinda sorta effort to lose weight and become stronger and more fit. I set a ridiculous goal to lose 10 pounds this month, which is absolutely not happening. But I have been a little more mindful of what I put in my body and I have been trying harder in the exercise department. It all fits in perfectly with this subject, but this post is long enough! More on that later?
